It often amazes me that people are amazed by the fact that I admit to suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. No, I don’t do this because I have found the ultimate cure even though I have been on medication, visited physiologists, tried breathing techniques etc. etc. etc. it is because I believe that I do “control” my problem relatively well and if I can help one person by sharing how I do this well then call me crazy …. I am glad I have served a purpose.

In this crazy existence we call life, so many people “suffer” from some form of physiological disease … From depression to anorexia, OCD, ADD, anxiety, social phobia, agoraphobia …. And because these are deemed as making one “nuts” people don’t like to share their problems and others, most of whom also suffer from one or all of the above, shun those who are honest about it.

So I suffer with a fear of dying… My sister got sick when I was very young and death has been prevalent in my life since then. She is fine but my sub conscious mind is still affected by the years of fearing mine or someone I love’s death…. Not an excuse for what I have, just a reason. Or so I thought…. It then occurred to me that in nearly every walk of my life I meet people who find it uncannily easy to share their problems with me and by simply listening and sharing my story I have managed to help a few of them…. Needless to say this has even happened when I have wound up in hospital with a fatal bee sting , no I am not allergic, breathing into a brown bag and convinced my final breath was seconds away.

So maybe I should look at this “disease” as a blessing and not a curse. Yes it is something I would love to be free of as it does hamper certain aspects of my life. However maybe just maybe it is a way in which my Daddy in Heaven has given me a way of giving back… By helping those worse off then me.

As I think of my unborn children I am glad this is not genetic as tears roll down my cheeks this is truly something i would not wish on anyone

There is always hope though… Always… as I think of you and pray for you whoever you may be reading this post no matter what you suffer from. Know this … Nothing on Earth is more powerful then the name of Jesus…. When you feel scared, lonely, depressed, insecure or desperate … Just say His name and allow him to fill you with His peace that passes all earthly understanding.

It helps me everyday in everything I do. If you would like to get in contact with me about your problem, religious or not… I really don’t judge if it is something else that will help you and be right for you I will do my best to assist in finding it… Please do so at jbayvel@yahoo.com.

If you are reading this now and are experiencing any of these terrible things … Try sing or say these words… They have got me through many an attack where I could have been in hospital…

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Son of God, Son of Man
Lamb that was slain
Joy and peace, strength and hope
Grace that blows all fears away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Truth revealed, my future sealed
Healed my pain
Love and freedom, life and warmth
Grace that blows all fears away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Rescued my soul, my stronghold
Lifts me from shame
Forgiveness, security, power and love
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name