“Little Do You Know That My Smile May Be Real But So Is My Chronic Anxiety…”

My next blog post is going to be far more heartfelt & perhaps make me a little vulnerable in this judgmental world of social media.. ( well in this judgmental world ).

Yip that’s me smiling as I usually am…

However after seeing how many people have taken their lives recently, unable to deal with modern day stress, depression and anxiety – I think it is so important to share our own stories, in the hopes that we can maybe help these people.

Stop them from trying to find peace whilst leaving behind shattered loved ones.

Make them see that there is hope, that one can “control” these “conditions” that there are so many people quietly suffering from, day in and day out.

That we should no longer see anxiety or depression as taboo – they are not.


Mostly I will write this blog to try in my own little way to say “Hey I am here, I know how you feel, call me, write to me… I will try and help”

I guess I will write about my journey.

I am lucky enough to only suffer with chronic anxiety.

Lucky being the operative word as it is a crippling thing.

However I am always laughing and joking, I am outgoing and friendly, and if I had depression I think those things would also be taken from me… how sad for those who suffer from both.

Those who know my family history will understand why I got anxiety at 5 years old, just a little thing terrified of death and those around her dying … these fears are more pronounced today than ever, and as with chronic anxiety they have attached themselves to other fears, yip irrational ones but fears nonetheless.


My Faith in God gets me through my anxiety attacks and somehow I wish I could just place that extra faith in him to get me through the daily, constant anxiety (day by day… second by second… I won’t give up and neither will He).


I think that for an anxiety sufferer to try and explain to someone without anxiety just what our thoughts are … is impossible.

So, as someone most people see as a happy girl, blessed with everything of the best in life (I am thankfully) perhaps you will understand when someone who is not happy, who is sad and scared behaves in these ways, as I do, you will think back to my smile and outgoing nature and remember anxiety and depression CAN AFFECT ANYONE…

We will:

Seem unreliable as we feel fine and agree to do something social and when the day comes we can’t. We are paralyzed with fear and instead of telling you we will ignore you… it’s less scary.

Not answer phone calls or texts … this small task can seem insurmountable when you are simply trying to breathe, control your “heart attack” and can barely get out a sentence.

Retreat further and further into ourselves … we feel like we are not good enough for most people and things as we are so sensitive that one ‘joke’ could mean we think that nobody likes us and we are unwelcome… it’s easier to not hear any criticism or jokes

There are so many more points I will add in my blog.

I have been lucky enough to conquer and deal with my anxiety well most days, and so again I write this with the sincerity of perhaps helping someone who needs to chat to someone who knows how they feel.


So DM me please anytime, I will be up worrying about something most of the night : )

And at the same time, trying to explain to friends and family and acquaintances why someone with these “conditions” behaves as they do…. they are scared or sad and paralyzed by these things ..

Blog to follow tomorrow

All my love


Anxiety… It is not the unmentionable with our amazing Heavenly Father

It often amazes me that people are amazed by the fact that I admit to suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. No, I don’t do this because I have found the ultimate cure even though I have been on medication, visited physiologists, tried breathing techniques etc. etc. etc. it is because I believe that I do “control” my problem relatively well and if I can help one person by sharing how I do this well then call me crazy …. I am glad I have served a purpose.

In this crazy existence we call life, so many people “suffer” from some form of physiological disease … From depression to anorexia, OCD, ADD, anxiety, social phobia, agoraphobia …. And because these are deemed as making one “nuts” people don’t like to share their problems and others, most of whom also suffer from one or all of the above, shun those who are honest about it.

So I suffer with a fear of dying… My sister got sick when I was very young and death has been prevalent in my life since then. She is fine but my sub conscious mind is still affected by the years of fearing mine or someone I love’s death…. Not an excuse for what I have, just a reason. Or so I thought…. It then occurred to me that in nearly every walk of my life I meet people who find it uncannily easy to share their problems with me and by simply listening and sharing my story I have managed to help a few of them…. Needless to say this has even happened when I have wound up in hospital with a fatal bee sting , no I am not allergic, breathing into a brown bag and convinced my final breath was seconds away.

So maybe I should look at this “disease” as a blessing and not a curse. Yes it is something I would love to be free of as it does hamper certain aspects of my life. However maybe just maybe it is a way in which my Daddy in Heaven has given me a way of giving back… By helping those worse off then me.

As I think of my unborn children I am glad this is not genetic as tears roll down my cheeks this is truly something i would not wish on anyone

There is always hope though… Always… as I think of you and pray for you whoever you may be reading this post no matter what you suffer from. Know this … Nothing on Earth is more powerful then the name of Jesus…. When you feel scared, lonely, depressed, insecure or desperate … Just say His name and allow him to fill you with His peace that passes all earthly understanding.

It helps me everyday in everything I do. If you would like to get in contact with me about your problem, religious or not… I really don’t judge if it is something else that will help you and be right for you I will do my best to assist in finding it… Please do so at jbayvel@yahoo.com.

If you are reading this now and are experiencing any of these terrible things … Try sing or say these words… They have got me through many an attack where I could have been in hospital…

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Son of God, Son of Man
Lamb that was slain
Joy and peace, strength and hope
Grace that blows all fears away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Truth revealed, my future sealed
Healed my pain
Love and freedom, life and warmth
Grace that blows all fears away
Jesus, what a beautiful name

Jesus, what a beautiful name
Rescued my soul, my stronghold
Lifts me from shame
Forgiveness, security, power and love
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name