Nana… I Love You

Its a selfish love to hold onto to someone who needs to go.
Its sad for us who are left behind to mourn you, to lose you and not to see you. Nana, I know I wasn’t always that granddaughter who visited you every week, who took you to lunch or brought you a simple bunch of flowers and told you how much I loved your laugh, your sense of humour and your love for us. You always missed us and I took it for granted that there would be another day, another week and even another year to spend the time with you that I should have could have and wanted too but didn’t.. I got caught up in my own life, my own wants and needs and a selfishness I regret with every passing minute, second an heartbeat.. Seeing you today broke my heart my Nana so fragile, your skin tinged blue, your breathe a shallow whisper but every know and then you still smile or giggle or give that moan we always laugh about. I am glad you are peaceful and comfortable without pain or sadness you are ready and we need to understand and let you go. I wish you could be here to see your great granchildren ( hearing that I can picture you chuckle and say ” okay my dear”) or see you dressed like the trendy and classy lady you are instead you tell us know that its only us visiting not the queen of England – what a blessing you have been without me realising it. My heart weeps for my mom who is losing her mom, I know she will miss you desperately and maria who has been your angel will have lost a soulmate she adores you- don’t worry we will look after her always. I’m sure Gramps is getting things ready for you and that you are going to have a welcome in Heaven fit for the queen you are – you have waited for each other for 27 years, my lifetime, and finally you will be together again forever again. Nana I will miss you with my entire heart I love you and will be devastated when you are no longer here all I can say now is Goodbye and say hi to grampa tell God and Jesus we love them and walk amongst the flowers, streets of gold and angels. Walk with a spring in your step and look after us always – be our Guardian angel guide us and love us. Forever your granchild forever in love and forever I will miss you until we meet again. Go gently, go peacefully, go home if you are ready. Our selfish tears will be wiped away in time knowing you are smiling at us from above.

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