“Our stories come from our lives and from the playwright’s pen, the mind of the actor, the roles we create, the artistry of life itself and the quest for peace.” – Maya Angelou
My favourite poet and an apt quote, Maya. In this pandemic when the playwrights pen seems to write in permanent ink worse news everyday.
When there seems to be no light in the darkness and we all feel as though we are drowning just below the surface of the water; unable to make that final pull to achieve that breath we so desperately need.
In these times of fear, trepidation, anxiety, panic. In this pandemic which has turned the world upside down and inside out.
We do all seek one thing, peace. Peace for ourselves, our loved ones. Peace for strangers losing family and friends daily.. minute by minute some by second.
It does feel as though we are actors on a stage. The play a horror story a nightmare that feels there will be no happy ending.
The only thing I can say during this time, if you have a loved one who is terribly ill. Who won’t recover and be the same.
If you are praying for a miracle, for healing, for life, for God to just restore your love.
Remember that sometimes that miracle, that healing and restoration is leaving this earth to spend forever with God. Healthy, happy and waiting for you to join them in eternity.
I loved writing this post. It is honest.It is me. It is real and right now, so applicable to this stage in my life.
I am not my looks, I am not my height or weight. I hold a depth and empathy, through my life’s’ experiences that cannot be explained. I am fun and crazy and ditzy and yet I am soft, caring and my heart can feel the pain of people or animals hurting – to the extent that I hurt. I am not great at staying in constant contact for feeble things, but if someone, anyone, needs me in an emergency or to just.. listen… I will meet them where they are, physically or emotionally. I am an ‘old soul’ I guess.
I am certainly far from perfect – stubborn as a mule and sensitive to the max.
But I am Me.
Note to reader: I’m 37, sitting with my princess – Mia, the Italian Greyhound – listening to Sawyer who has just won The Voice, singing ” A Thousand Years” sob sob and only just realised after some pretty serious relationships, that I have only ever loved one man my father and never truly been head over heels in love.So forgive me my cheese-ball moment. Feel free to laugh at or with me at any time. PS I am a die hard romantic… so in the hopes that this Knight – who is going to sweep me off my feet – exists and is roaming aimlessly on his trusty steed looking for me – I hope you find this message somewhere, somehow.
To the love of my life,
I don’t know you yet. I don’t know how we meet or where you live. I don’t know the names of your siblings or if you like listening to jazz or to alternative, or if your favorite kind of love is for an animal — the same as me. Perhaps we find each other organically, as I have often dreamed of.
Me, casually glancing at a bestseller and you, reaching to pick it up as we both peruse the same fiction stack – to take our minds off of the hum drum that is daily life. Or perhaps you’re fond of the outdoors and passed me at dusk riding along whilst I jog, when it’s quiet and thoughts turn like gears on a bike. I don’t yet know.
I want to. I want to know all these things and more. I want to know what you look like when you first wake up and the day’s demands have not yet set in.
I want to know what you love most in this world and for you to share it with me. I want to know what buttons I can push, how you’ll react when you’re edgy and where the line is drawn. I don’t yet know.
But what I do know is that I will treat you like I treat myself because your happiness is my happiness. And I do know that I won’t stop trying. Even when we’ve both found what it is we’re looking for in each other, I’ll keep surprising you.
I do know, regardless of where we are or who we become or what happens, I do know I plan to do my best to make you happy every day that we spend our lives together. And here’s how:
I’ll never make you feel inadequate
If you fail at something (which is to be expected), I won’t put you down or hold it against you. I’ll build you up so that you have the confidence to keep pursuing your ambitions. And when I find success in my own life, it won’t be because I have made you my competition.
Whether it’s as small as taking the time to learn a new recipe or as big as a career change, I’ll celebrate you and your achievements, and I’ll ease your losses. And I’ll always be proud of you for putting forth the effort.
I’ll love you with the same passion as when we first met
I promise I won’t take your touch for granted or forget to appreciate the small pleasures you give me.
Even if our lives become routine and we fall into a familiar pattern of sleep and waking, I will work to keep that spark in our relationship alive — the same one that sent chills through my body when we shared our first kiss in the park.
And though you will have good days and bad, and tempers flare and stress makes us behave in irrational ways, that won’t stop me from loving you to my full capacity.
I’ll learn new things and constantly grow alongside you
Paths change, and with each year that passes, we advance a little differently, becoming closer to the things we want out of life. No matter how much we evolve or how much we change, I’ll strive to make sure it’s with you.
What I learn and what I hope for will be in sync with what you need and what you want to discover. You’ll enlighten me with your vast intelligence, and I’ll enliven you with the richness of my stories. Even in the stillness of silence, we’ll forever be in constant connection.
I’ll inspire you
There is something incredibly special about falling in love with someone who makes you a better person. Let my achievements inspire you to find your own personal success.
My presence should be one that excites you and motivates you to go beyond your limitations. Every day I wish to be your muse and your fulfillment. The one who makes you realise how much you are capable of and how much you have to offer.
I’ll relieve your anxieties
Whatever wears on you or whatever obstacles you feel you can’t overcome, I’ll show you that you can on your own. I’ll do my best to attend to your needs without crippling you. When you feel like you can’t get away, I’ll be your escape.
We’ll get lost in our adventures together even if it’s in the comfort of our beds. I’ll be your imagination when you’re stuck inside your own head and I’ll be there to fall back on when you occasionally slip.
I’ll challenge you to your full potential
I won’t let you get away with mediocrity or doing the bare minimum. You might temporarily hate me for pushing you too hard, but I have your best interests at heart — and deep down you know that too.
I’ll care about you enough to be upfront and honest even when the truth is harsh and sometimes hurts.
And even though we might bruise, we’ll also heal. Challenges are what make us stronger in the end. Our relationship may not be as easy or as carefree as we thought, but neither of us has ever really wanted to coast.
We’re drawn to the risk, we’re drawn to the dare and, most importantly, we’re drawn to each other.
So until then. I pray that God keeps you safe and that you have amassed a fortune of homeless hounds for me to babysit.
I always try and write my posts as honestly as possible and I guess this is one of those posts that so many of you will relate to; and perhaps explains why (not just as I am so fussy) I am single at 37 – yet I yearn for true love and perhaps even a child.
I’ve lived a life where love has teetered on the edge of loss from the age of 5, not ‘that kind of love’ but the love of my sister and hearing she would die every year until I was 33. Living in and out of hospitals and watching those we got close to and loved, lose their lives or their little loved kiddies. For me, it is even losing my beautiful dogs. Maybe for you, it is a completely different experience/s… I think it is just such a common phenomena now that has made for a world where people like but do not want to let themselves love, completely.
In this this crazy world, where life has become so very fragile, letting your walls down and loving with every part of you has become incredibly scary as I think we all contemplate the loss and heartache it may bring. For years even when knowing I would be proposed to (yes I was warned) three times, my theme song was still… never to let anyone in to me, my secret garden, completely, ever…
BUT, my goodness what are we missing out on! The famous quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is oh so right!
A few days or seconds of a beautiful love story or connection is the most incredible thing in the world and the heartache will always fade, or perhaps it will be a saga for you or me. An endless love, what if we do not pursue it with hearts wide open?
Love is gut-wrenching. Love is pain. Love is scary. It’s completely terrifying and I’m not going to sit here and convince you it’s not. Because it is.
Love is losing yourself completely to another person and trusting that they are not going to walk away. Love is telling someone that they are the one for you and hoping they feel the same way. Love is knowing that no matter what happens, that you’ve got each other’s backs.
We’ve all loved the wrong person. An in loving the wrong person, we’ve found out the reasons why love is such a petrifying act. Because when you love the wrong person the inevitable happens- heartbreak. And WOW heartbreak is the worst. When we lose friendships, they seem to just fade out whereas when we break up with someone, we’re supposed to instantly just forget them. We’re just supposed to just cut this person who was once so important out, without a second thought. We’re supposed to pick up our pile of broken pieces and try to glue them back together by ourselves without showing any cracks…
We are all you’re tired of giving our all to someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Tired of the games and dating apps. We are just so tired of letting someone in, only for them to go and leave us completely alone again.
So, I understand exactly why like I am, you’re sitting there and thinking love is scary.
Well we don’t fall in love with someone when it’s easy. Everyone can fall in love with someone when it’s easy. We fall in love in the hard times. We fall in love with someone when they’re at their worst and we want to stay anyways. We fall in love with someone when something bad has just destroyed their world and we want to be the one they lean on to get through it. We fall in love with someone in the dark, in the grit and in the pain.
Loving someone when it’s easy isn’t scary at all; loving someone when it’s hard is.
But love is worth it. I know I just told you all of the reasons why love is scary, I know I just told you that love is work and that there are many, many reasons why you shouldn’t fall in love but I have know begun to believe it’s worth it.
The thing is, there’s only one thing to do when it comes to love; stay. Stay in the hard times. Stay in the easy times. Stay with the person you love because staying will always be the best outcome. Stay when it’s scary because even though it’s completely frightening, it will be worth it. Love is always worth it.
Don’t give up on something that when it does come into your life makes you feel so alive. Loving someone is an act that you should never regret no matter how it ends up. You deserve to know what it’s like to fall in love and even better, you deserve to feel loved.
So, it’s OK to be scared of love, but one day you’re going to meet someone who makes all of the fears worth it.– I know I am….. and my hope for us is that we don’t let fear hold us back from something completely magical.
So I am changing that song and because there are so many beautiful love songs, it will probably change daily but thats love, it changes, it adapts, it hurts, it heals but it is always worth it. And yip I need my space sometimes so that may not change.
I know some of the most amazing momma’s & ladies, but without a doubt, none can compare to you Denise Bayvel
Not only that external beauty my most exquisite love.
It’s more that inner radiance, that selflessness, that gentleness. The way you love with all of you, the way you would do anything at anytime for not just your family but even strangers, the way I can only say YOU are the best person in this entire world
This my momsy, is what makes you the the best thing that has ever happened to me.
How blessed to be the one God chose to give his most wonderful angel on earth, as a mom to me.
I love you today, tomorrow and a little more with every passing moment.