Reposting As I Wait: Dear You…

I loved writing this post. It is honest.It is me. It is real and right now, so applicable to this stage in my life.

I am not my looks, I am not my height or weight. I hold a depth and empathy, through my life’s’ experiences that cannot be explained. I am fun and crazy and ditzy and yet I am soft, caring and my heart can feel the pain of people or animals hurting – to the extent that I hurt. I am not great at staying in constant contact for feeble things, but if someone, anyone, needs me in an emergency or to just.. listen… I will meet them where they are, physically or emotionally. I am an ‘old soul’ I guess.

I am certainly far from perfect – stubborn as a mule and sensitive to the max.

But I am Me.

So,

Dear You

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 44093884_10161007426410201_9125831787669356544_n.jpg

Note to reader: I’m 37, sitting with my princess – Mia, the Italian Greyhound – listening to Sawyer who has just won The Voice, singing ” A Thousand Years” sob sob and only just realised after some pretty serious relationships, that I have only ever loved one man my father and never truly been head over heels in love.So forgive me my cheese-ball moment. Feel free to laugh at or with me at any time. PS I am a die hard romantic… so in the hopes that this Knight – who is going to sweep me off my feet – exists and is roaming aimlessly on his trusty steed looking for me – I hope you find this message somewhere, somehow.

To the love of my life,

I don’t know you yet. I don’t know how we meet or where you live. I don’t know the names of your siblings or if you like listening to jazz or to alternative, or if your favorite kind of love is for an animal — the same as me. Perhaps we find each other organically, as I have often dreamed of.

Me, casually glancing at a bestseller and you, reaching to pick it up as we both peruse the same fiction stack – to take our minds off of the hum drum that is daily life. Or perhaps you’re fond of the outdoors and passed me at dusk riding along whilst I jog, when it’s quiet and thoughts turn like gears on a bike. I don’t yet know.

I want to. I want to know all these things and more. I want to know what you look like when you first wake up and the day’s demands have not yet set in.

I want to know what you love most in this world and for you to share it with me. I want to know what buttons I can push, how you’ll react when you’re edgy and where the line is drawn. I don’t yet know.

But what I do know is that I will treat you like I treat myself because your happiness is my happiness. And I do know that I won’t stop trying. Even when we’ve both found what it is we’re looking for in each other, I’ll keep surprising you.

I do know, regardless of where we are or who we become or what happens, I do know I plan to do my best to make you happy every day that we spend our lives together. And here’s how:

I’ll never make you feel inadequate

If you fail at something (which is to be expected), I won’t put you down or hold it against you. I’ll build you up so that you have the confidence to keep pursuing your ambitions. And when I find success in my own life, it won’t be because I have made you my competition.

Whether it’s as small as taking the time to learn a new recipe or as big as a career change, I’ll celebrate you and your achievements, and I’ll ease your losses. And I’ll always be proud of you for putting forth the effort.

I’ll love you with the same passion as when we first met

I promise I won’t take your touch for granted or forget to appreciate the small pleasures you give me.

Even if our lives become routine and we fall into a familiar pattern of sleep and waking, I will work to keep that spark in our relationship alive — the same one that sent chills through my body when we shared our first kiss in the park.

And though you will have good days and bad, and tempers flare and stress makes us behave in irrational ways, that won’t stop me from loving you to my full capacity.

I’ll learn new things and constantly grow alongside you

Paths change, and with each year that passes, we advance a little differently, becoming closer to the things we want out of life. No matter how much we evolve or how much we change, I’ll strive to make sure it’s with you.

What I learn and what I hope for will be in sync with what you need and what you want to discover. You’ll enlighten me with your vast intelligence, and I’ll enliven you with the richness of my stories. Even in the stillness of silence, we’ll forever be in constant connection.

I’ll inspire you

There is something incredibly special about falling in love with someone who makes you a better person. Let my achievements inspire you to find your own personal success.

My presence should be one that excites you and motivates you to go beyond your limitations. Every day I wish to be your muse and your fulfillment. The one who makes you realise how much you are capable of and how much you have to offer.

I’ll relieve your anxieties

Whatever wears on you or whatever obstacles you feel you can’t overcome, I’ll show you that you can on your own. I’ll do my best to attend to your needs without crippling you. When you feel like you can’t get away, I’ll be your escape.

We’ll get lost in our adventures together even if it’s in the comfort of our beds. I’ll be your imagination when you’re stuck inside your own head and I’ll be there to fall back on when you occasionally slip.

I’ll challenge you to your full potential

I won’t let you get away with mediocrity or doing the bare minimum. You might temporarily hate me for pushing you too hard, but I have your best interests at heart — and deep down you know that too.

I’ll care about you enough to be upfront and honest even when the truth is harsh and sometimes hurts.

And even though we might bruise, we’ll also heal. Challenges are what make us stronger in the end. Our relationship may not be as easy or as carefree as we thought, but neither of us has ever really wanted to coast.

We’re drawn to the risk, we’re drawn to the dare and, most importantly, we’re drawn to each other.

So until then. I pray that God keeps you safe and that you have amassed a fortune of homeless hounds for me to babysit.

I cannot wait to meet you,

Love JoJo

7779_584659181556215_864579822_n

Just So You Know, It’s Okay To Be Scared Of Love – I Am

I always try and write my posts as honestly as possible and I guess this is one of those posts that so many of you will relate to; and perhaps explains why (not just as I am so fussy) I am single at 37 – yet I yearn for true love and perhaps even a child.

I’ve lived a life where love has teetered on the edge of loss from the age of 5, not ‘that kind of love’ but the love of my sister and hearing she would die every year until I was 33. Living in and out of hospitals and watching those we got close to and loved, lose their lives or their little loved kiddies. For me, it is even losing my beautiful dogs. Maybe for you, it is a completely different experience/s… I think it is just such a common phenomena now that has made for a world where people like but do not want to let themselves love, completely.

In this this crazy world, where life has become so very fragile, letting your walls down and loving with every part of you has become incredibly scary as I think we all contemplate the loss and heartache it may bring. For years even when knowing I would be proposed to (yes I was warned) three times, my theme song was still… never to let anyone in to me, my secret garden, completely, ever…

BUT, my goodness what are we missing out on! The famous quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is oh so right!

A few days or seconds of a beautiful love story or connection is the most incredible thing in the world and the heartache will always fade, or perhaps it will be a saga for you or me. An endless love, what if we do not pursue it with hearts wide open?

Yes.

Love is gut-wrenching. Love is pain. Love is scary. It’s completely terrifying and I’m not going to sit here and convince you it’s not. Because it is.

Love is losing yourself completely to another person and trusting that they are not going to walk away. Love is telling someone that they are the one for you and hoping they feel the same way. Love is knowing that no matter what happens, that you’ve got each other’s backs.

We’ve all loved the wrong person. An in loving the wrong person, we’ve found out the reasons why love is such a petrifying act. Because when you love the wrong person the inevitable happens- heartbreak. And WOW heartbreak is the worst. When we lose friendships, they seem to just fade out whereas when we break up with someone, we’re supposed to instantly just forget them. We’re just supposed to just cut this person who was once so important out, without a second thought. We’re supposed to pick up our pile of broken pieces and try to glue them back together by ourselves without showing any cracks…

We are all you’re tired of giving our all to someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Tired of the games and dating apps. We are just so tired of letting someone in, only for them to go and leave us completely alone again.

So, I understand exactly why like I am, you’re sitting there and thinking love is scary.

Well we don’t fall in love with someone when it’s easy. Everyone can fall in love with someone when it’s easy. We fall in love in the hard times. We fall in love with someone when they’re at their worst and we want to stay anyways. We fall in love with someone when something bad has just destroyed their world and we want to be the one they lean on to get through it. We fall in love with someone in the dark, in the grit and in the pain.

Loving someone when it’s easy isn’t scary at all; loving someone when it’s hard is.

But love is worth it. I know I just told you all of the reasons why love is scary, I know I just told you that love is work and that there are many, many reasons why you shouldn’t fall in love but I have know begun to believe it’s worth it.

The thing is, there’s only one thing to do when it comes to love; stay. Stay in the hard times. Stay in the easy times. Stay with the person you love because staying will always be the best outcome. Stay when it’s scary because even though it’s completely frightening, it will be worth it. Love is always worth it.

Don’t give up on something that when it does come into your life makes you feel so alive. Loving someone is an act that you should never regret no matter how it ends up. You deserve to know what it’s like to fall in love and even better, you deserve to feel loved.

So, it’s OK to be scared of love, but one day you’re going to meet someone who makes all of the fears worth it.– I know I am….. and my hope for us is that we don’t let fear hold us back from something completely magical.

So I am changing that song and because there are so many beautiful love songs, it will probably change daily but thats love, it changes, it adapts, it hurts, it heals but it is always worth it. And yip I need my space sometimes so that may not change.

Love Always,

JoJo

She Is The Ultimate Angel I Get To Call Mom

I know some of the most amazing momma’s & ladies, but without a doubt, none can compare to you Denise Bayvel

Jojo Bayvel Dee Bayvel

Not only that external beauty my most exquisite love.

It’s more that inner radiance, that selflessness, that gentleness. The way you love with all of you, the way you would do anything at anytime for not just your family but even strangers, the way I can only say YOU are the best person in this entire world

This my momsy, is what makes you the the best thing that has ever happened to me.

How blessed to be the one God chose to give his most wonderful angel on earth, as a mom to me.

I love you today, tomorrow and a little more with every passing moment.

Happy Mother’s Day – love your littlest Becky.

 

The Thing About Getting Older Is This – Musings From Me As I ‘Grow Up’

Dear Blog – It’s been far too long, but now my writers block is gone and I look forward to seeing you again often….

lessons-moomsabuy

The thing about getting older is this:
You realise that life doesn’t happen as you may have planned, yet you learn to cherish each and every unplanned moment LIVE
You may be have been hurt or still be hurting yet someone out there has probably been hurt by you – FORGIVE
That in the blink of an eye everything around you can break and shatter with the death of a loved one – APPRECIATE 
You look back and see that a person you didn’t acknowledge may just have been your soulmate? You don’t get that time back – LOVE FREELY 
You can’t get caught up in society’s way of saying thank goodness my life is better than that person, without stepping in to assist ‘that person’ in anyway you can – ALWAYS HELP 
You learn that you may not be perfect but you can be the most perfect version of the you that was created – ASPIRE 
That even though we aren’t promised tomorrow you can’t lose the child within that still believes that fairytales come true– DREAM FOREVER
You and only you know your deepest fears and mistakes, it’s normal we are none blameless but because of this we shouldn’t believe or repeat the mistakes of others from hearsay – NEVER JUDGE 
You realise that there are those family and friends that just get you and love you for you – APPRECIATE 
That life is not a popularity contest but rather a short time in a place to do as much as we can with the talents and treasures we possess – GIVE

Jo-Jo Bayvel’s Aging Wisdoms

d91b3de4df209d97a89b264c9ad71f95--old-friends-best-friends

Love Always
Jo-Jo

Writing From My Heart | What Makes Beauty…. Perfect

music-makes-me-happy-by-plastickheart

I guess looking at my blog these past few days I have been all about fashion and the external appearance  – don’t get me wrong I am a definite slight princess who likes to look her best most of the time, and puts the effort in to do so. (ummm well not all true as like most single girls, I get home wash my face, maybe add a facemask which makes me look like I could star in the new “IT” movie,  put that hair in a top bun -MESSY – and grab my comfiest outfit which is most often the most hideous of all my clothing .)

Anyway, I guess I felt I needed to blog about something heartfelt as I never want this blog to be all about the superficial – it’s a blog from the heart of the girl next door.

As I dive headfirst into the deep end of the last part of my 35th year I have had the most amazing realisation, slightly late and not “on trend” as I have begun to appreciate and accept my external looks for what they are  – a blessing from God. Nope I don’t think I am a supermodel, nor do I think I am beautiful and I certainly wake up looking like a troll from the 1980’s. However I was blessed with a pretty face, a good body and most importantly a gentle heart, and these are things one should never take for granted. Don’t get me wrong I will still be posting about and testing all those things I love but not to be happy, I am happy …. as me… I just have a bit of a love for fashion and beauty – but it no longer defines me.

large

This epiphany as I mentioned, comes not “on trend” as more and more “solutions | surgeries | products and cosmetic surgery” have been introduced to the market in order to …. perfect oneself. I notice this just from the fact that people used to ask me all the time who ‘had done’ my lips as they are full, my retort “God” and now they are the norm if not thinner than others, they go unnoticed as lip fillers are top of the charts on every aesthetic booking list and then we go from hand fillers (yip hand fillers) to fish hook facials, to injections everywhere; ones that fill this hole and others that empty that sag bag, to facial therapies which leave you with skin like a baby and nose jobs and lip jobs and boob jobs and calf implants and and and well you can have every hair on your body removed permanently whilst having permanent make-up applied so you look like you have just stepped out of a MAC store when you open your eyes, a body is not good enough being just muscular and fit as well… in this society one can have a PERFECT body not just a great body …. let’s be honest; not only do you need to be Rockefeller or married to his offspring but you have to spend your life at a beauty salon or surgeon as most of these “treatments” do not last longer than a few months so it’s an endless cycle of looking perfect, whilst maintaining this perfectionism only to have to reperfect yourself – vicious circle? Just the thought exhausts me. Don’t get me wrong if I had nothing else to do and an endless trust fund I guess I could get used to that type of life BUT then maybe not…

Not only are the thoughts of what all these procedures may look like in twenty years, as we have yet to see the long term side effects … think cat woman xxxx 10000 or a collapsed face, but how happy can you be if you are always striving for a perfect which can always be more perfect? Why not accept your perfect … each and every person is beautiful and enough and perfect as they are and yes  a few little odd jobs done here and there for major complexes are completely understandable but stop there and accept that YOU, that beautiful perfect YOU.

heart-surgeon-clipart-15

If experts spent as much time researching, developing and testing treatments to enhance and improve inner personality traits and qualities –  gratitude, love, patience, kindness, joy, faithfulness a  giving heart – and people spent as much time and money acquiring these traits and working on them as hard as they do on being that external perfect,  how much more beautiful would this world be?

Would a young chubby, shy girl still be sitting at home crying right now, as she gets no “likes” on her IG page but rather horrible comments? And then would she sob a little more as she knows that the girls at school will still make fun of her as she has not enough money for spray tans and the latest adidas sneakers, when they do not know it is because her father walked out on the family and her mom can barely pay her school fees even though she works two jobs? That can’t exactly be your IG bio right? Unfollow, Block? Who is a fan of a person with no external value??? NOT US BAE we are all about G.O.A.T.S and the “Glam Squad you can’t sit with us crowd”

See my epiphany comes because I witness this to often, and even as a semi fashionable, popular and pretty girl I have nearly fallen victim to this way of thinking to the point that going out without looking perfect would mean I would rather stay at home.

Stop-and-Smell-the-Peonies.jpg

Waking up to smell the roses (well I prefer peonies) I have realised how sadly, in my thirties this need for perfection and to be perfect at all times has filtered into my love life, right down into the depths of it.

I so often get asked why I am stilllllllllllllll single and what on earth is wrong with me that I am not married (before YOU ASK yip I’m still that little girl who wants to walk down the aisle and hold my newborn in my arms.), and whilst that is for another post where I delve into my love of narcissists and men who need a mother not a soulmate and lover – this constant craving and striving for a love that is a love of my perfection externally and not internally is what I miss out on in all relationships… not all – to you guys I have dated who are reading this and loved me for me you were awesome! I just didn’t chose you as I hadn’t chosen me.

It boils down to hearing these words daily, and I am a person who needs word of affirmation so I believed hearing;

IMG_4854

I love you in that dress

I love that colour on you

I love that everyone thinks you are pretty, it makes me sooo proud

I love the smell of your perfume

I love your body

Yip they loved LOADS of things about me, but they just didn’t love ME. Don’t get me wrong , we all love a compliment and sometimes from the right person when they go starry eyed I get “weakly” kneed, but my words of choice of affirmation would sound more like;

IMG_6832  img_5477.jpg

I love they way your heart aches when you see a sad person, child or animal

I love that you want to rescue the world

I love that you care so little what others think of you

I love that you are clumsy and ditzy but can laugh at yourself

I love your smile as you being happy makes me happy

I love the way you try and make my house a home so I feel less like a visitor in it

I love your passion for your family

I love how little kids are drawn to you

The simple things but the things that would make my heart so very happy and perhaps have me in a veil in no time.

I am ending this rambling off with saying I am a music person, I simply adore music, it invokes memories both happy and sad, it creates a happy atmosphere, it can make a sad moment that much more poignant and a happy moment a euphoric one.

I found this song (well I think the whole world has found it as Ed, yip that Ed… Ed Sheeran sings it) and the lyrics make me smile and cry and laugh, feel and think… an excerpt before I post the whole thing;

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

62468-All-Smiles

The girl I was my whole life, would have defined this as the ultimate romantic moment, the girl I could have become who I think shares the same fears as so many other girls of all ages these days, would be thinking ” Oh no what about my favourite sandals being ruined by the wet ground? My dress is so long are the muddy stains going to come off?  I do look such a mess? Does he really think so.. my hair is curly from the rain, my mascara is smudged, when can I get away to ‘fix’ myself so I look like the girl he deserves | wants?…

tumblr_nc9s0vmtHH1qikmd9o1_500.gif

I mean WHAT???? This would be the ultimate moment. Dancing with the love of my life, barefoot in the dark, just us two. Laughing, loving and believe me as I have realized looking more perfect and beautiful than ever because  I would be happy, my eyes would shine, my smile would be huge and no flaw would go noticed because this man would see those two things and think …. SHE IS PERFECT…

Here is the full song and lyrics below:

maxresdefault

“Perfect”

I found a love for me
Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me’Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow
Your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you’re holding mine

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark
With you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass
Listening to our favourite song
When you said you looked a mess
I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it,
Darling, you look perfect tonight

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a love to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids but we’re so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we’ll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I’ll be your man
I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark
With you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass
Listening to our favourite song
When I saw you in that dress
Looking so beautiful
I don’t deserve this
Darling, you look perfect tonight

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark
With you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass
Listening to our favourite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect
I don’t deserve this
You look perfect tonight

Until next time…

Lots of Love

Jo-Jo