Beryl cook’s wisdom to all you lovely ladies…had to share this one

March 23, 2012 JoJo BayvelLeave a comment

When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn’t hold my tummy in
to wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older,
I’ve set my body free;
There’s comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.
Inventor of high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I used to wear a six,
Now I wear a seven.
And how about those blasted tights —
They’re sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knee?
I need to wear these glasses
As the print’s been getting smaller;
And it wasn’t very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to grey
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I’m the same old me,
the outside’s changed a bit.

But, on a positive note…
I’ve learned that no matter what happens,
or how bad it seems today, life does go on,
and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things:
a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.

I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same as making a ‘life.’
I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life just being a doormat.
You need to throw something back.
I’ve learned that to decide something with an open heart, you usually make the right decision.
I’ve learned that when I have pain, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned that you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Getting stopped at a road block by a metro that should probably be our president… South Africa is a wonderful and interesting country!

March 9, 2012 JoJo BayvelLeave a comment

It’s always THAT time of the morning when you are tired, irritable, being pushed off the road by a taxi, who seems to think that waving circles with his hand, outside his window is suffice to say “ I’m taking your lane move over”, that you spot those orange beacons……. dum dum dum (cue jaws music)

Needless to say I am blonde and the roadblock is in the same place EVERY morning yet I still quickly put my mobile down, make sure my safety belt is tightly in place and even though I know I have no outstanding fines, my licence disc is up to date and I have a valid driver’s licence (yes my family and friends are still under the impression I paid a fortune or wore a short skirt to the test. It pleases me to no end that it was a tracksuit, no make-up and an old Afrikaans guy who recognized my surname from my dad’s Bok days that I think did the trick… let’s just say I didn’t get into the parallel parking nor the alley docking and when we got on the road my instructor said “are yous gaaning to jol on celebrations tonight? That was K53 out the window and me and my drivers in hand…when I asked my folks if I could do an advanced driving course recently the response was “Why don’t you so a beginners course instead”!)

Well back to the story, went off the beaten track there,. So I still always feel like a nervous schoolgirl being pulled over and today was no exception. Out came the licence and the next thing I knew my car was searched for weapons et al!

Well… the thoroughness of this cop was amazing. When I jokingly said no guns “ but I should have one for Totsi’s” he launched into an educational insert on the different words for “thief” in each African language. Next was a lesson in the basic greeting’s and I have to admit at this point he had me captivated and I wanted to drive him to the closest school and say this man will make sure your next class passes ANYTHING!

Next we were onto the topic of politics. Now as someone who keeps my nose out of this area I was hesitant to listen or comment and now I am writing about it. One man’s words made such an impact yet a thousand presidents speeches bore me to death!

He started of by telling me he knew God wanted him to teach poor white children African languages… GULP… working in a BEE environment I did choke a bit, here was this black man explaining to me that out government did not want to acknowledge the growing number of poor white families in South Africa and he wants to help. He does so at the police station already.

He then went on and asked me why I thought COSATU had held a strike? Well … i don’t know they don’t want the toll system in place i guess… but not his analogy was amazing it started like this “How can a man and woman who are married and sleep in the same bed, strike against one another?” this struck a chord COSATU and the ANC are definitely very cosy and spooned up in bed! He believed that again it was a play to prey on the uneducated, get the masses involved as they believed they truly were striking against the implementation of tolls, when in fact the little minions at the top were saying to their allies “If you don’t give us a piece of the action i.e. the money we will strike, give us a portion of the tolls and Hey who cares about the masses who will struggle further when everything from petrol to bread, milk and transport costs increase.”

Just before we ended our conversation, I was quite sad to move on; I asked him if crime had dropped in our country. His response was yes BUT more “violent crimes” were on the rise… why? Because of hatred bred in a society where apartheid is no longer a factor and crimes committed out of racism are carried out by those who were not affected by this cruel and awful era.

Another thing to remember when you get pulled over and you feel anger or irritation that the “STUPID and uneducated” metro has pulled you over AGAIN think about this…. my cop, as he will now be known, after all I will see him every morning as I hurriedly put mascara on in my rear view mirror, before he catches me, went and trained with Scotland Yard and the FBI …. he says they have the same problem as we do illegal immigrants committing crimes and they cannot be caught because they are not registered in the country…. he travelled with a large number of our police and metro force so let’s just say that we shouldn’t be muttering stupid metro’s any longer… their intelligence might just surprise you.

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

January 17, 2012 JoJo Bayvel1 Comment

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

LOVE THIS

WAKE UP SOUTH AFRICA when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

December 26, 2011 JoJo Bayvel5 Comments

Is this man truly a genius? Checked out and this is true…it DID happen!

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama’s socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama’s plan”.. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A…. (substituting grades for dollars – something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that.

Remember, there IS a test coming up. The 2012 elections.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this? Neither could I.