Losing A Good Good Daddy. The Grief Is Too Real.. Everyday

I still need to write your whole story… the story of a legend in every walk of life. Most of all the story of my Pops.My Daddy.My Protector.My First Love.

It will happen, I’m just a bit scared to start as I know the tears won’t stop. For now this is just a short excerpt of a day missing you so very much.

This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments – and you get the tears at the end, too.

Today you popped up on Facebook.

Pops I just wish so often you could pop up in this crazy world.
Will the grief ever end no matter how strong we try to be and how happy we know you are.

Will thinking I see you somewhere and realise I haven’t with a drop of my heart ever become a reality that you are gone forever.

Today was a day.

Tears poured.

Yet I always make myself remember YOU my dear daddy were and looking down from Heaven still are, a good good father.

I adore and miss you with an aching heart.

I love you with an infinity which we will spend together. Until then I crave you always.

Your Becky

A Letter To My Parents

 

 

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Dear Pops & Mumsy,

A few months ago, as you know, I celebrated my 31st Birthday. (Yes, I capitalise Birthday) While I enjoy making the day all about me, the day is really a celebration and reflection on the impact you have made on my life.

Now, you guys probably know me better than most anyone else on this planet and know that I love making my Birthday a big deal because, well, it is a big deal! Birthdays are the days we get to reflect on who we are, the family and friends that surround us, and another year past and recorded down in the books.

But here’s the deal: I want to honor you. 31 years ago, you may have been where I have found myself many times as a young lady. Scared, lost, uncertain, unsure, stressed out, struggling emotionally from time to time, the list really could go on…That’s because as a parent (I am assuming), you never really know if you are doing a good job or not. What really is the metric?

Let me just state for the record: You guys did a great job. I hope you take some pride in that.

I’m not even referring to how you put shoes on my feet, food in my belly, and clothes on my back. That was just what you had to do…as my parents. That’s permission to play in the parenting game if you ask me. You did what you had to do to provide and for that I am eternally grateful. That’s all listed in the job requirements. What isn’t listed, but should be, is the emotional support, encouragement, and unrelenting love you have shown me to help me become the girl I am today.

So today, I want to say thank you. THANK YOU for who you are, what you’ve been to me in my life and all the things you’ve sacrificed over the years to raise me. It takes more than clothing, food, and a home to sleep in to be a good parent. And while you succeeded in those areas in meeting my needs, you truly excelled in the other areas.

I have never felt a day where I was not loved by you. I have never lost sleep over wondering if you cared about me. I have never had a fleeting thought that you wouldn’t support me in my decisions, because you always tend to help me make them. I value your opinions, I respect your place in my life, and I thank you for all of it. Thirty-one years have past since you first heard my cry and I know you still hear it in your sleep sometimes because a good parent always hears their children’s cries in the night.

Your hearts ache when mine does. Your smiles cover your faces when mine covers mine. Joy fills your hearts when you see that mine is full. You cry when I cry. You celebrate when I celebrate. THAT is what makes you GREAT, world-class parents.

You made mistakes along the way and that’s okay. You’re still only human. But quite frankly, you’re some of the best damn humans I’ve had the opportunity and privilege to know. I thank God you were selected and chosen to be my parents because you’ve made some amazing ones.

I’m not trying to say you’ve raised the perfect lady and I probably haven’t always been the best daughter, but I want to just say thank you.

Thank you for all you’ve done. I simply cannot find enough words to say it.

“Thank you.”

Sincerely,

Your Girl … Becky

The Gilrs In My Circle

 When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.  
One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man..
Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ‘Let’s cry together,’
Another , ‘Let’s fight together,’
Another , ‘Let’s walk away together.’  
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.  
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.  
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbour,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.