Note to reader: I’m 37, sitting with my princess – Mia, the Italian Greyhound – listening to Sawyer who has just won The Voice, singing ” A Thousand Years” sob sob and only just realised after some pretty serious relationships, that I have only ever loved one man my father and never truly been head over heels in love.So forgive me my cheese-ball moment. Feel free to laugh at or with me at any time. PS I am a die hard romantic… so in the hopes that this Knight – who is going to sweep me off my feet  – exists and is roaming aimlessly on his trusty steed looking for me – I hope you find this message somewhere, somehow.

To the love of my life,

I don’t know you yet. I don’t know how we meet or where you live. I don’t know the names of your siblings or if you like listening to jazz or to alternative, or if your favorite kind of love is for an animal  — the same as me. Perhaps we find each other organically, as I have often dreamed of.

Me, casually glancing at a bestseller and you, reaching to pick it up as we both peruse the same fiction stack – to take our minds off of the hum drum that is daily life. Or perhaps you’re fond of the outdoors and passed me at dusk riding along whilst I jog, when it’s quiet and thoughts turn like gears on a bike. I don’t yet know.

I want to. I want to know all these things and more. I want to know what you look like when you first wake up and the day’s demands have not yet set in.

I want to know what you love most in this world and for you to share it with me. I want to know what buttons I can push, how you’ll react when you’re edgy and where the line is drawn. I don’t yet know.

But what I do know is that I will treat you like I treat myself because your happiness is my happiness. And I do know that I won’t stop trying. Even when we’ve both found what it is we’re looking for in each other, I’ll keep surprising you.

I do know, regardless of where we are or who we become or what happens, I do know I plan to do my best to make you happy every day that we spend our lives together. And here’s how:

I’ll never make you feel inadequate

If you fail at something (which is to be expected), I won’t put you down or hold it against you. I’ll build you up so that you have the confidence to keep pursuing your ambitions. And when I find success in my own life, it won’t be because I have made you my competition.

Whether it’s as small as taking the time to learn a new recipe or as big as a career change, I’ll celebrate you and your achievements, and I’ll ease your losses. And I’ll always be proud of you for putting forth the effort.

I’ll love you with the same passion as when we first met

I promise I won’t take your touch for granted or forget to appreciate the small pleasures you give me.

Even if our lives become routine and we fall into a familiar pattern of sleep and waking, I will work to keep that spark in our relationship alive — the same one that sent chills through my body when we shared our first kiss in the park.

And though you will have good days and bad, and tempers flare and stress makes us behave in irrational ways, that won’t stop me from loving you to my full capacity.

I’ll learn new things and constantly grow alongside you

Paths change, and with each year that passes, we advance a little differently, becoming closer to the things we want out of life. No matter how much we evolve or how much we change, I’ll strive to make sure it’s with you.

What I learn and what I hope for will be in sync with what you need and what you want to discover. You’ll enlighten me with your vast intelligence, and I’ll enliven you with the richness of my stories. Even in the stillness of silence, we’ll forever be in constant connection.

I’ll inspire you

There is something incredibly special about falling in love with someone who makes you a better person. Let my achievements inspire you to find your own personal success.

My presence should be one that excites you and motivates you to go beyond your limitations. Every day I wish to be your muse and your fulfillment. The one who makes you realise how much you are capable of and how much you have to offer.

I’ll relieve your anxieties

Whatever wears on you or whatever obstacles you feel you can’t overcome, I’ll show you that you can on your own. I’ll do my best to attend to your needs without crippling you. When you feel like you can’t get away, I’ll be your escape.

We’ll get lost in our adventures together even if it’s in the comfort of our beds. I’ll be your imagination when you’re stuck inside your own head and I’ll be there to fall back on when you occasionally slip.

I’ll challenge you to your full potential

I won’t let you get away with mediocrity or doing the bare minimum. You might temporarily hate me for pushing you too hard, but I have your best interests at heart — and deep down you know that too.

I’ll care about you enough to be upfront and honest even when the truth is harsh and sometimes hurts.

And even though we might bruise, we’ll also heal. Challenges are what make us stronger in the end. Our relationship may not be as easy or as carefree as we thought, but neither of us has ever really wanted to coast.

We’re drawn to the risk, we’re drawn to the dare and, most importantly, we’re drawn to each other.

So until then. I pray that God keeps you safe and that you have amassed a fortune of homeless hounds for me to babysit.

I cannot wait to meet you.

Turning 37 and thank goodness genetically blessed from both folks physically and with youthful looks (knees now do feel the rain coming though 🙂 ), seems like a good time to repost these words I wrote in the middle of a game farm under a star filled African sky next to a mesmerising fire.

I was full of hope and yet I guess whilst the words were straight from the bottom of this heart, I don’t think I was quite ready to be … discovered let alone discover someone and give them my all.

I am ready now…. BUT not ready to discover just anybody. He must be my soulmate and best friend, my forever one, the man who loves me when I am no longer youthful looking but still blessed with the same kind heart and sense of humour ( perhaps with less wits about me but still witty) …because I know that I am capable of; and want that soul quenching, inner beauty loving…forever happiness.

If you asked me what I wanted my darling a thousand times over it would be the same thing,
I want a life filled with adventure, never letting the mundane and boring become a part of who we are,
My love, I want to explore the earth: in its entirety,  every last crevice of you, the earth, the oceans and each little thing that the moon shines upon and my love, I want to explore this with you …

Darling if you had to ask me what would make my heart happy and what would make my soul come alive I would tell you this;

Take my heart and hold it in your hand as though it was the very thing that keeps you alive,
Guard it and guide it,
Treat it with the utmost and gentle care, but never allow it to grow tired and still,
As my heart sweet darling needs to be touched and whispered to: so that your heart too, beats with the fire of a thousand African sunsets.

My love if you want to know the secret to hearing my laughter erupting from the depths of my very soul just know the answer lies in allowing me to be me,
for my love, my beauty lies not in the colour of my eyes nor the shape of my lips but rather in the way I live;
to feel free and alive;
And laughter, my love, is the way my heart sings, it allows you to pen lyrics to the sweetest melody your ears have yet to hear.

My darling if you want to know how to make your arms my safe haven then simply do this –
Treat me my sweet sweet darling as though I were the most special and incredible gift;
hold me in your arms, unwrap each layer that encases my body, heart and soul

BUT

Do this with care my darling as the rarest gifts need to be opened slowly and patiently in order to truly appreciate what lies inside the gilded paper,

My love, the answers to most of the questions your mind yearns to know are simple:
For darling  they are the very questions you have had the answer to, since the beginning of your mortal time.