I always try and write my posts as honestly as possible and I guess this is one of those posts that so many of you will relate to; and perhaps explains why (not just as I am so fussy) I am single at 37 – yet I yearn for true love and perhaps even a child.
I’ve lived a life where love has teetered on the edge of loss from the age of 5, not ‘that kind of love’ but the love of my sister and hearing she would die every year until I was 33. Living in and out of hospitals and watching those we got close to and loved, lose their lives or their little loved kiddies. For me, it is even losing my beautiful dogs. Maybe for you, it is a completely different experience/s… I think it is just such a common phenomena now that has made for a world where people like but do not want to let themselves love, completely.
In this this crazy world, where life has become so very fragile, letting your walls down and loving with every part of you has become incredibly scary as I think we all contemplate the loss and heartache it may bring. For years even when knowing I would be proposed to (yes I was warned) three times, my theme song was still… never to let anyone in to me, my secret garden, completely, ever…
BUT, my goodness what are we missing out on! The famous quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is oh so right!
A few days or seconds of a beautiful love story or connection is the most incredible thing in the world and the heartache will always fade, or perhaps it will be a saga for you or me. An endless love, what if we do not pursue it with hearts wide open?
Love is gut-wrenching. Love is pain. Love is scary. It’s completely terrifying and I’m not going to sit here and convince you it’s not. Because it is.
Love is losing yourself completely to another person and trusting that they are not going to walk away. Love is telling someone that they are the one for you and hoping they feel the same way. Love is knowing that no matter what happens, that you’ve got each other’s backs.
We’ve all loved the wrong person. An in loving the wrong person, we’ve found out the reasons why love is such a petrifying act. Because when you love the wrong person the inevitable happens- heartbreak. And WOW heartbreak is the worst. When we lose friendships, they seem to just fade out whereas when we break up with someone, we’re supposed to instantly just forget them. We’re just supposed to just cut this person who was once so important out, without a second thought. We’re supposed to pick up our pile of broken pieces and try to glue them back together by ourselves without showing any cracks…
We are all you’re tired of giving our all to someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Tired of the games and dating apps. We are just so tired of letting someone in, only for them to go and leave us completely alone again.
So, I understand exactly why like I am, you’re sitting there and thinking love is scary.
Well we don’t fall in love with someone when it’s easy. Everyone can fall in love with someone when it’s easy. We fall in love in the hard times. We fall in love with someone when they’re at their worst and we want to stay anyways. We fall in love with someone when something bad has just destroyed their world and we want to be the one they lean on to get through it. We fall in love with someone in the dark, in the grit and in the pain.
Loving someone when it’s easy isn’t scary at all; loving someone when it’s hard is.
But love is worth it. I know I just told you all of the reasons why love is scary, I know I just told you that love is work and that there are many, many reasons why you shouldn’t fall in love but I have know begun to believe it’s worth it.
The thing is, there’s only one thing to do when it comes to love; stay. Stay in the hard times. Stay in the easy times. Stay with the person you love because staying will always be the best outcome. Stay when it’s scary because even though it’s completely frightening, it will be worth it. Love is always worth it.
Don’t give up on something that when it does come into your life makes you feel so alive. Loving someone is an act that you should never regret no matter how it ends up. You deserve to know what it’s like to fall in love and even better, you deserve to feel loved.
So, it’s OK to be scared of love, but one day you’re going to meet someone who makes all of the fears worth it.– I know I am….. and my hope for us is that we don’t let fear hold us back from something completely magical.
So I am changing that song and because there are so many beautiful love songs, it will probably change daily but thats love, it changes, it adapts, it hurts, it heals but it is always worth it. And yip I need my space sometimes so that may not change.